are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
