There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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