I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
