I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
