Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
