Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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