I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
