I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So apparently I’m into choking now
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