I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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