now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My bed smells like the plague
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