I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
