It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
