the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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