I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
