i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
