Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
