: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
