Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
