I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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