I need help removing her.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
