yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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