Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
