I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
