There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
