my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
