Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
