best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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