Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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