My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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