i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
