Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
