PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
