Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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