You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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