And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
