i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
