I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
