he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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