Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
