If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
