I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
