this just has baby written all over it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
