Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
