Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
