And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
