So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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