If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
