he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
