Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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