i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
