She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
