Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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