youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
