i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
