having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize