you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
