i don't like sucking hair
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I forget how to act sober
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
