i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
