Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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