i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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