Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Randomize
