I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
