Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
