my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i've created a new STD.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
