talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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