I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
