i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
