I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
