i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
